It’s the Year of Me

Happy Year of Me everyone! It is also known as Year of the Dog for those readers who may find that confusing. Yes, this whole year will be a celebration of me – and some other dogs I suppose.

Churchill impression
my Winston Churchill impression

I’m expecting many gifts later today. It’s also the beautiful assistant’s birthday so I suppose she’ll be trying to get in on the act somehow. She’s so needy.

I’m actually a Water Snake – like Oprah Winfrey. Apparently it means I’m clever (true), creative (yes), lively (when I feel like it), communicative (well, hello – I’m writing a blog aren’t I?), and sentimental (occasionally when the fluffy one tickles my tummy).

small brown dog having tummy tickled by bearded man
leg up for maximum tummy access

I just had a bath to ready myself in case there’s a party later. It had nothing to do with the fox poo I rolled in. And I’ve been practising my  Winston Churchill impression in case that dog on those ads gets sick of the job and they need a replacement. Have a great day.

bathtime
not really keen on this if truth be told
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Marrowbone Drama

Delicacy prevents me from putting an appropriate photo up of what this blog is about. You’ll see what I mean as you read on.

All was going well. I had my pal Paddy over to visit and we’d had a fun day playing at the beach. The fluffy one looked like he was giving a bit too much attention to Paddy but after I’d nipped him on the ankles a few times he returned his adoring gaze to me.

 

To make me feel loved and treasured when the Padster left, the beautiful assistant thought I should have a a new treat – cue the piece of bone stuffed with marrowbone jelly that the guy in the pet shop thought I’d like. I totally am loving that man now because it was the best thing I’ve eaten ever – apart from chicken.

As yummy as it was, I did find it a little rich and, much to the fluffy one’s displeasure I couldn’t help myself – I threw up on his socks. He wasn’t very impressed especially as he was wearing them at the time.

There was great excitement and the beautiful one was instructed to get a cloth and some carpet cleaner. I was quite happy to re-eat the vomit but for some reason I was put off by the sound of the fluffy one dry reaching while he awaited the clean-up equipment. What an over-reaction.

All calmed down eventually but I’m now banned from eating marrow. Party poopers.

 

Doppelganger

Something amazing happened on my beachy walk this morning. I was trotting along, sniffing as many butts as possible, when I saw this vision in the distance. It was an extremely attractive young lady who looked remarkably like my good self.

Binti and her beautiful assistant
My beauteous double
Binti and her friend whose name escapes me

Sure, if you’re a West Highland Terrier or a Collie there are many lookalikes out there, but I’m different. I’m a one of a kind – or so I thought until today. Her name is Binti (it means daughter in Swahili apparently) and she’s a little bit older than me. I’ve always liked older women – just look at the beautiful assistant! She’s a cross between a chihuahua and a Brussels Griffon – very exotic. If only we had our naughty bits we could make beautiful puppies together.

We hung out for a bit, sniffed butts and bits but then it was time to go. Who knows – maybe we’ll meet again some day. Oh, and she had a cute Maltese Terrier friend too. All in all a very satisfying morning stroll.

Boscastle Break

I made it safely back form my holiday in Boscastle but I had to endure many hours of terror while I was there. Perhaps I’m exaggerating just a tad but the night at the pub was a little scary.

The Boscastle Buoys are a local group of chaps who sing folk songs at The Napolean on a Tuesday night. As it happened, our visit coincided with one of their weekly sings. Now, being half Yorkshire terrier I’m as patriotic as the next dog but I’m not a fan of loud noises or clapping so when the singing commenced I had to hide under the bench to experience yet more trembling.

It was made bearable by the occasional piece of steak being dropped on the floor in my general direction. I know it’s silly but I can’t help it – and I get more food this way.

A Trembling We Will Go

Last weekend was terrifying for many reasons. I always know I’m in trouble when they start taking food and underpants out to the van (aka ‘Dickie’). I knew something was afoot and started trembling immediately to show my displeasure. This, however, had absolutely no effect on the assistants who continued to traipse out to ‘Dickie’ with socks, trousers, shoes, and wine.

What are they up to now?
There is no way I’m getting up
I’m sooooooo tired
Too pooped to pop
Buses are sooooo scary

The eventuality of it all became obvious when my food bowls, and then me, were lifted up and placed within aforementioned van. We were off to see the grand-assistant (the fluffy one’s mother), Betty, in Wells. Much trembling took place on the way but it did not change their minds. We arrived on Saturday after spending Friday night in a pub car park in Dunford. I had some rather attractive pieces of faggot from the fluffy one’s plate which went a little way to make up for the terror of the journey thus far.

It was absolutely pouring on Saturday night when we had to go into town to have dinner with the grand-assistant so, to my horror, they put me on A BUS. Can you believe it. It was even scarier than the van.

Thank heavens we were able to walk back to the campsite – I’m not sure I could have coped with much more. The assistants had a very pleasant meal at The Sadlers in Wells and I got to savor a little bit of lamb and venison leftovers. When they were paying the bill I managed to secretly wander off when they weren’t looking and hoover up a few extra morsels from the floor when the waiter came over to the table to say someone had complained about me. How very dare they! Miserable sods. We were leaving after all.

Anyway, to recover I slept in late and wouldn’t have got up at all if it weren’t for the fact that we had to have a terrifying trip back home. I’m now back in my favorite beanbag in front of the fire. Let’s hope that will be the last trip for a while.

Pensive Pup

As I was sitting by the beach yesterday I couldn’t help but think how nicely my life has turned out. Did I mention that I was rescued from an animal shelter? The National Animal Welfare Trust #NAWT took me in when my first family didn’t want me. They were allergic to me apparently. It was a few weeks before my first birthday.

 

It was very scary when I got to the shelter. Don’t get me wrong, everyone at the shelter was really nice to me but it’s still a bit frightening to go to a strange place without the people you thought were your friends.

The beautiful assistant and the fluffy one found me on the internet – a bit like doggy Tinder. They liked the look of me and came for a few visits. I was supposed to go to a different family but they had a rabbit so I was put back in the home until these two came to check me out. Of course they liked what they saw and, voila, here I am.

Since I’ve been with these two I’ve been from Lands’ End to John O’Groats in a huge van, I’ve travelled to Europe, I’ve been rescued by firemen and appeared in national newspapers.

But most of all, I now have a lovely life. There are walks on the beach every day, treats whenever I demand them and, apart from the odd bit of building work, I live in a peaceful house with a warm fireplace and comfy beds to sleep on. And did I mention that I have two assistants that are twisted around my little paws – snicker snicker.

If you feel the need to become an assistant to a dog, or dare I say cat, in the future, have a thought for those in many of the animal shelters around the country. They’ll be very appreciative

Butt Buddies

I met the most hilarious pair of dogs today. Their names are Louie and Harvey and wow, what a great pair of lads. They had the best coats I’ve ever seen. Why can’t the beautiful assistant get me one like that? I think the fluffy one keeps putting her off – he’s not keen on dressing me up but I think it’s a hoot.

Louie has the weirdest butt I’e ever seen but it smelt great! We may be related too – they’re Mexican Hairless x Maltese x Chihuahua and as you know I’m half Chihuahua. I hope I see them again.

It’s All Going On

What is it with men and the way they stand around looking at stuff? For some reason there are some strangers drilling holes in the back of our house and whenever I go out to check on them the fluffy one is handing them tea and they are standing there, arms folded, looking at the hole, pointing, and nodding.

who are these people?
what the hell’s going on here?
answer me!

You don’t catch us dogs doing that. We just sniff, wee, and move on – nothing to see here.

I heard them say they’re going to be knocking a wall out soon. I’ll have their leg off if they try any of that! I’ve got a nice comfy place here and I won’t have anyone mucking around with it.

My favourite walking spot was interfered with last week. There was so much rain my beach disappeared and the river was so high the swans were having a field day. Back to normal now thank heavens.

Bye Bye beach
the swans have buggered off in this one

Haven’t seen Connie to thank her for my Christmas card. Just as well for her – I’m in the mood for a chase.