Helter Swelter

You know I’m a chorkie, right? Half Chihuahua half Yorkshire Terrier. Well, I know one of my great great (etc) grand bitches was Mexican but I am not loving this heat. How they could sit around protecting temples all day in the sun is beyond me. The fluffy one told me that the beautiful assistant got sun stroke on the top of the Temple of the Sun in Teotihuacan, Mexico, once – and she’s Australian! Lightweight.

I think the Yorkshire side of me has taken over and I’m much happier when it’s cold and drizzly – as long as I don’t have to go out in the drizzle, you understand.

Any shade will do
Look at me – ‘almost’ swimming
At least my ear is cool

On my morning walk I desperately tried to find any tiny bit of shade and I even went for an ‘almost’ swim. Had to dodge those bastard swans though; boy, they can get really testy.

Yesterday I had to have a bath – yes, fox poo again – and I jumped in the tub eagerly as I was boiling to death. I think the beautiful assistant (BA) rolled in poo as well as she was putting purple stuff in her hair and washing it out over the bathtub.

IMG_2931
I want to know where she’s getting her fox poo

The BA’s been to a clairvoyant today (I always knew she was weird) and now the fluffy one is preparing for a row on his kayak. Not sure I can cope with the thought of him in that clingy rubber suit. Oh god – here he comes – that is NOT a good look. I may have to hide until he leaves.

Jobs, Toys, and Pals

The beach was great this morning. Met a cute little poodle called Daisy with a very waggy tail (if you know what I mean – wink wink) and found an excellent piece of rope which I proudly carried all the way home. I love having a job.

When I got home I gathered my toys together but, as I’ve said on here before, I’m not much of a toy man and they just – well – bored me.

toys (2)
toys are so … yawn

All was well this afternoon, though, when I had a message from some of my old pals who are visiting Boscastle this week.  They’re missing me! Isn’t that sweet? They sent some photos and I don’t mind telling you that madame Phoenix was sporting a great set of baps and she didn’t mind showing them. The shitzus, Lau and Katie, just sent headshots; they’re a little more discreet.

Their assistants are called Gary and Kevin who are so lovely; they’re what I’d call ‘real doggie people’. My beautiful assistant could learn a thing or two from them.

Photos of My doggie pals courtesy of Kevin.

While the Dog’s Away …

Apologies for the silent couple of days – been off visiting the rellies. The fluffy one’s mum lives in Wells so we go and visit her sometimes. This time the fluffy one’s sister was here. She lives in Holland and I call her the curly one as she has very curly hair. I liked her; she gave me a cool toy called Reggie – still not as excellent as Terry but sometimes it’s nice to wrap the laughing gear around something different for a change.

Anyway, what do I find when I get home … ? That bloody three-legged cat has been hanging around my patch. I went for a walk with fluffy one and whose head should pop around the corner but Connie’s; bold as brass she was. I think she even hissed at me, I mean how very dare she.

Well I’m back now so she won’t be skulking around here again any time soon.

What a Load of Balls

Just had a standard couple of days after the excitement of my ‘two baths in one day’ experience. We went for a walk by the ponds down at Hengitsbury Head but I wasn’t even allowed to go in for a paddle. It’s doggist I reckon.

Dog looking at a 'no dogs allowed in the water' sign
This is an outrage! I’m writing to the authorities.

I had a bit of a game of football with the fluffy one and got a few goals in. It’s a bit annoying that the ball is a bit too big for my mouth but I gave it a go anyway.

A Double Dub Tub

The day started badly. The fluffy one realised I’d not been brushed for days so he spent about half an hour grooming my fur with, of all things, a PINK brush. I planned my revenge and it was soon to take place when we went to the beach for my morning walk.

As I trotted along the the sand I sniffed the divine aroma of a rotting fish, presumably left over from some bird’s dinner. I located it it quickly and had myself a good roll in it. It took the assistants a while to notice so I had a good few minutes getting well and truly covered in it. Mmmmmm, lovely.

Of course the ‘beautiful’ assistant went ape when she saw me but it was too late; I had taken my revenge for the early morning pampering regime.

small brown dog in a bath
at least it makes me look slim

When we got home things took a turn for the worse, although I must say it wasn’t as terrifying as usual. I was duly taken upstairs and plopped into the bathtub wherein I was lathered up with ‘Fox Poo’ shampoo and cleansed of all my lovely dead fish. Boo, I say.

I spent a couple of hours smelling like perfume until my afternoon walk when, to my joy, I discovered the stinking carcass of a dead bird by the side of the River Stour. Again, I was too quick for them to discover me rolling in it until it was too late – for them, not me.

I foolishly reveled in the thought of me having one up on the assistants until we returned home and I was, again, lathered up and made to smell all poncey. I got them back in the end by shaking water all over the sofas. Chortle, snicker.

small brown dog in a bath with his tongue out
here I go again – quite tasty though

This Day Has Gone Swimmingly

I’ve been a very brave boy today. It’s been pretty hot (for me anyway) so I decided to go in for a bit of a swim in the river. I’m really not one for the water but I went in up to my tummy and cooled off nicely.

It was lovely that I was all fresh and recently (partially) bathed because we ran into an extremely cute miniature shitzu whose name escapes me. Apparently she’s one of the smallest shitzus in the world – about the size of a chihuahua. Annoyingly she had a boyfriend but I’m sure she gave me a wink now and then.

Until we meet again, lovely lady.

Oh The Shame

As I sit here chewing the crotch of the beautiful assistant’s newly discarded underpants, I think back over the last caouple of days with great shame and humiliation.

I’ve had a lovely couple of days spent chasing frisbees, chewing my lead, and having my tummy tickled by the fluffy one. Then it all changed. We went out for a walk and met a lady with a lovely dog and, as sometimes happens, the assistants got chatting to her. She happened to mention that she had a three-legged ginger cat who used to enjoy visiting the chap who previously lived in our house.

Therein lies the shame. The cat I was chasing when I got stuck in the gate, it turns out, is not only three-legged but it is also A WOMAN called ‘Connie’. That explains the self-satisfied expression on its face.

This may take me some time to recover.